BREAKING: President Trump Appoints Kanye West as Secretary of the Space Force, Announces Mars Colonization Plan “to Escape the Woke”
Washington, D.C. — In a surprise announcement this morning that left reporters stunned and liberals scrambling for air, President Donald J. Trump declared rapper, designer, and former presidential candidate Kanye West as the new Secretary of the United States Space Force.
Speaking outside the newly renamed Patriot Pavilion—formerly the White House Rose Garden—President Trump laid out his administration’s bold new mission: to establish an American colony on Mars by July 4, 2027.
“We’re going to Mars. It’s going to be YUGE,” Trump said. “We’re taking American greatness to the stars. And who better to lead the mission than my good friend Kanye? He knows about launching things—albums, sneakers, and now… rockets.”
Dubbed Operation MAGAtron, the initiative is reportedly being coordinated in part with Elon Musk, with additional support from an informal advisory board featuring Joe Rogan and Kid Rock. According to administration sources, the goal is simple: “get away from the woke and build the first anti-cancel-culture colony in the galaxy.”
Among the early mission details:
• Space suits designed by Yeezy, featuring MAGA-red visors, flame-resistant foam runners, and built-in WiFi
• Zero-gravity Bible studies led by Pastor Greg Locke aboard the USS Liberty-1
• A proposed “Space Wall” to keep out unauthorized alien life forms
Kanye West, now wearing the title “Secretary Ye,” addressed the media briefly while flanked by uniformed Space Force officers: “This is bigger than the Grammys. We’re leaving fake news behind. Mars will be free, faith-filled, and fashion-forward.”
Vice President J.D. Vance added: “It’s time we exported American values to the final frontier—strong borders, biblical freedom, and zero tolerance for space communism.”
Democrats, caught off guard, reportedly began calling for “space equity,” proposed a new Martian EPA, and demanded environmental assessments on red dust displacement. Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez condemned the move as “interplanetary colonialism” and “insufficiently inclusive.”
But just as Americans began prepping their MAGA helmets and space rations…
APRIL FOOLS!
You’re still on Earth—and sadly, Kanye hasn’t been given the launch codes (yet). But hey, in a world this wild, can you blame us for imagining it?
At Liberty Affair, we believe the best way to stay grounded is to laugh. Happy April Fools’ Day from your favorite truth-slinging, freedom-loving crew.
Written by the Liberty Affair Staff
Patriotism with a punchline.
Joy Villa is a bestselling artist, award-winning actress, and #1 Billboard chart-topping singer-songwriter known for her bold voice in pop culture, crypto, and health advocacy. As a columnist for Liberty Affair, she brings her fearless perspective to cultural shifts, blockchain innovation, and wellness trends. Follow her on X: @theJoyVilla
